Hey Young Pearls,
A few days ago I talked to a old friend or acquaintance whatever you would like to call her. Before y’all start throwing the names please know I’ve always adored her. I’ve always considered her a friend if I had to put a title. We spoke for the first time in years. Decade plus via the phone, and it was easy unforced and pleasant. We reminisced, laughed and even shared.
I learned a lot about myself in that short but broad conversation. One thing that stuck with me is she told me I was “unpredictable”. Hearing this froze me a little bit maybe even shocked me. I thought I was very predictable. I always considered myself a open book, creature of habit. I was either goofy or serious and not very friendly to non-circle members. To know me I had to know you. Point blank period!
She made me think and contemplate my life, the people in my life, and previous and present relationships. Is this still a trait I carry? Most importantly what has it done to my past friendships/relationships? I guess I know I can be rough round edges. Unpredictable seems unstable to me. Emotionally I could say I’m unstable, I love hard...it has no bounds. So I wonder do others see this in me. Do you?
I applaud and respect her for telling me that. I appreciate it. I’ve been wanting to seek therapy for years. No I don’t think I’m crazy. Maybe a little coo-coo but not insane. Yet. Lmaooo. I’ve been wanting to seek help because I need a outlet. I’m a ticking time bomb. I don’t want to tell a family member or friend. They don’t give a damn and if they do, they just to tell it. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Our conversation vouched my already known personal needs.
If you’re like me and don’t have a outlet. You don’t have someone that you ultimately trust to tell things to like thoughts and feelings with. I urge you to seek your outlet that may very well be therapy.
Black people stop thinking it’s crazy to talk to a counselor, therapist or life coach. Y’all talk and run ya mouth all day to probably a legit crazy person. Might as well pay someone to keep your secrets and offer some real life changing help.
See I don’t have a outlet because when I left the squad of 31 flavors my lil click from high school. That really wasn’t our name. I just said that because we was all different shapes sizes and races. When we parted I never allowed myself to get close to people to build friendships. Maybe they fucked me up I don’t know but I seeked old friends and old lovers. X-ing out any potential that didn’t seem familiar enough from my past and totally declining them from my present and future altogether. I have to tell you that is not the move. You can not progress without progression. It’s always forward and never backwards.
If someone is elevating and gravitating towards you welcome them with open arms because it’s hard and even though we want to we can not do it all on our own. I’m just starting to realize this but ultimately owning it.
Later Young Pearl 🖤💜🖤
Let’s talk about death because it’s all around us and to be honest tomorrow is def not promised. Me personally I know people of all different walks and backgrounds. I been a lot of places and bonded with many in my short life span. I know more people that have died or natural freak causes to violence to where I need other folks hands just to count and this started as young as high school. One thing I can say it’s been more friends than my bloodline that I have lost. Another thing I can say but kind of ashamed of saying is I never been to a funeral. I have attended many wakes but never a funeral. Just like when it comes to your faith. I mean how you can follow and grow at your own pace with whomever your higher being is you can do the same with death. People think because you don’t speak on it or show face you don’t care. It’s not true. Your prayers can truly be helping that individual. I’m a introvert a lot of shit drains me. Sometimes I just can’t or won’t give away my energy.
I have lost a lot of people like I said before. But the recent and last was my auntie a yr ago. I believe that she was the one person who knew me and loved me despite everything (all in the air talking 😂😫😝) and she is gone. Her love ran like that for everyone. I believe we were so much alike after spending time with each other after years of not knowing each other. And the thing I hate most is I didn’t get to know she was gone till a week later because I had her schedule wrong. Sometimes I feel it was done purposely. We started off rough two people who couldn’t stand each other but in the end we knew each other from good bad old and present (so many stories shared) She was my one true friend in the form of a auntie. I miss her so much and I’m so angry she can’t be here with me on my journey. She uplifted me in so many ways. She was bitch I’m a bitch but we had a understand as two bitches with big hearts. Nobody and I mean nobody on that side of the family love will ever compare to hers without her I feel outcasted. I hope she watches shields and guides me daily.
I say this to say keep your head up maybe even open up more and really understand what can be someone else perspective they may still hurt from death.
Netta B. 🖤💜🖤
So for this early morning topic. Drum role please. LOVE! My favorite topic. 😃 😊 We all have people that love us regardless. Whether its bonded by blood or that one inevitable moment or event that only y’all experience. That’s a great love to have that’s ensured by a look a smile or even a presence that relates connection. Sometimes that love is just that. Something you can’t pull even a drop more of it because that love has reached it limit. It’s okay and it’s safe. But as beings we crave deeper love with all the same elements but a deeper bond. Some people believe this void is their crave for love or to be In a relationship. Yes we need intimacy but that void is just a yearning to be understood and wanted regardless of the good bad not worrying about the judgment or being left OPEN. It comes down to trust and loyalty something so many people lack for whatever reasons. Stop looking for love before friends. Stop hiding yourself to be what they love or desire. Stop needing to be loved and just love. Stop. The best way to receive what you desire is to be and live what you deserve. Learn you, be you, love you.
Jummping right in. You know what I’ve noticed about people? Most live thrive or crave drama. See the thing that I’m finally understanding is that they don’t even know it’s their need or want. Some people act move and speak for a reaction. I think it’s something I have always known but now I am finally understanding it. I know some just have nothing to look forward to in life or just don’t know what to do with themselves. So the daily mission is to know all the flaws and downs of someone or something. They thrive to just make someone who is unbothered a tiny bit if any way bothered. I find this to be mind blowing. Have you ever noticed instead of someone asking or inquiring just they may just assume throwing their assumptions your way to see how you will react. Doing and saying what they know you disagree or have no interest in. Searching for a way to bother you just to see you step out of and into the character they want you to be seen as. These people are miserable and toxic and the only way to beat them is to play with them being steps ahead or to cut em off. Your energy feeds them and drains you. Trust me you need to live for self and no one else. Don’t be afraid to be mocked laughed at or outcast this is what builds character strength and success. Stay original pearls! 💋
Talk to later loves 🖤💜🖤
I would like to start a blog if you have any topics, ideas questions throw them to me in the "Whats on your mind" section.