Hey my Loves,
Well here it is, another year for me. A year older not sure about the wise. Lol. All in all I’m grateful to be and to have completed the year. When I think about it though I think what did I really complete. I’m not we’re I use to be but I still haven’t made it to where I’m going. Do you ever think like this? Did you think like this? Do you think like this. I try my best to think the best and be my best but some tower always pops up.
I know changes in life good or bad happens for a reason to make us divert or attention and energy. Change. Something that makes me scared worried anxious depressed. I still move and shake but it comes with fear. An extremely bad combination. How do you cope with fear. How do you manage the negative energy? That’s something I’m still learning.
Suicidal? Let’s talk about it. I think everyone has had that moment of self-pity and hurt. Some make say it’s cowardly a sin, the easy way out. Is it really? When your alone with not one person dependent on you. One person looking forward to seeing or hearing your voice everyday at least once in 24hrs. When people urn for you to need them just so they can say what they fixed. When your accomplishments and managements are just not good enough. What’s next? When you can’t express your hurts because…you just gotta get over it and move on. There is no outlets, outlets are for the weak. When you know people watch you just to wait for you to be at your lowest, to need and still nothing. Is it a copout or is it relief?
It’s okay and like the artist Monaleo said “Stay one more day” It’s crazy because I heard her message on a day I ready to relieve myself. I had it planned out having a drink preparing and she posted a recent live “Why you should stay another day…” I listened and I felt renewed and reminded I have a purpose. I’m not entirely sure of what it is but I got a feeling I will be a instrument used somehow. I also believe everybody here breathing and walking is a lesson has message or mission for somebody(s) that that encounter in life. Good or bad it’s meant to effectively effect someone.
Suicide has been a thought of mine for years. My first attempt was HS pills at school all that got me was a shaky body a good cussing and a evening of reading the Bible. A few more attempts only offered pity along with my own disappointment in self. I say this because I’m noticing it’s so high nowadays especially in young kids barely out of elementary who actually succeed. Just imagine who those young people could of became. The pressure of just following the masses and not fitting in. The weight of carrying someone’s misconception of you. The hurt of not even seeing your own worth or potential.
So I’m using my day not to celebrate me but to celebrate you. Whatever you’re going through I salute you for standing tall in it and handling it unapologetic and selfishly keeping your first. Not giving up or seeing it as an option.
Happy G-Day to YOU and me 🖤🖤🖤
Head up ten toes down.
With Love Forever and Always,
Netta B (8/18)
What’s good Pearls,
I have missed you all. I’m checking in babies. Click the link below right 💋💋
Happy New Year!!! Yes. Yes. Yes. I am a tad bit late, but what's new? Any who baby I really want to talk about this war but ain't that much time nor patience in the world. Straight up! My YouTube channel is still coming so don't worry about that. I really want to write some flashreads and poems to try and flood the internet with. Over the course of the year. So this is my first installment (insert smiley face here). Stay doing whatever you doing to keep your spirits and energy good. Fuck love if you can't love yourself and body slam your so they don't bring you fear again.
Love yawl ttys
I know I been MIA but I also told y’all that was going to happen. I haven’t been totally upfront with what’s going on in my life and for that I’m not sorry. Lmaooo. Naw but seriously, I plan on hoping on my YouTube and being more translucent to you. By the top of 2020 I will use my YouTube channel to tell what’s been going on and happening. I want to talk laugh and encourage so I will use my own story as a pedestal. I hope you love me and if you don’t be keep it to yourself hit the “thumbs down” or just be prepared to be blocked. I love blocking people. My energy is all I got. I hope all of you have been well chasing and choke holding dreams and goals. I promise the next persons happiness and genuine smile makes me happy. I just want to be great and see others doing the same. Stay looking out for me and my foolishness I plan on making my YouTube nothing but facts about me and my life along with happiness and encouragement. I love you all. Till next time.
I would like to start a blog if you have any topics, ideas questions throw them to me in the "Whats on your mind" section.