Hey my Loves,
Well here it is, another year for me. A year older not sure about the wise. Lol. All in all I’m grateful to be and to have completed the year. When I think about it though I think what did I really complete. I’m not we’re I use to be but I still haven’t made it to where I’m going. Do you ever think like this? Did you think like this? Do you think like this. I try my best to think the best and be my best but some tower always pops up.
I know changes in life good or bad happens for a reason to make us divert or attention and energy. Change. Something that makes me scared worried anxious depressed. I still move and shake but it comes with fear. An extremely bad combination. How do you cope with fear. How do you manage the negative energy? That’s something I’m still learning.
Suicidal? Let’s talk about it. I think everyone has had that moment of self-pity and hurt. Some make say it’s cowardly a sin, the easy way out. Is it really? When your alone with not one person dependent on you. One person looking forward to seeing or hearing your voice everyday at least once in 24hrs. When people urn for you to need them just so they can say what they fixed. When your accomplishments and managements are just not good enough. What’s next? When you can’t express your hurts because…you just gotta get over it and move on. There is no outlets, outlets are for the weak. When you know people watch you just to wait for you to be at your lowest, to need and still nothing. Is it a copout or is it relief?
It’s okay and like the artist Monaleo said “Stay one more day” It’s crazy because I heard her message on a day I ready to relieve myself. I had it planned out having a drink preparing and she posted a recent live “Why you should stay another day…” I listened and I felt renewed and reminded I have a purpose. I’m not entirely sure of what it is but I got a feeling I will be a instrument used somehow. I also believe everybody here breathing and walking is a lesson has message or mission for somebody(s) that that encounter in life. Good or bad it’s meant to effectively effect someone.
Suicide has been a thought of mine for years. My first attempt was HS pills at school all that got me was a shaky body a good cussing and a evening of reading the Bible. A few more attempts only offered pity along with my own disappointment in self. I say this because I’m noticing it’s so high nowadays especially in young kids barely out of elementary who actually succeed. Just imagine who those young people could of became. The pressure of just following the masses and not fitting in. The weight of carrying someone’s misconception of you. The hurt of not even seeing your own worth or potential.
So I’m using my day not to celebrate me but to celebrate you. Whatever you’re going through I salute you for standing tall in it and handling it unapologetic and selfishly keeping your first. Not giving up or seeing it as an option.
Happy G-Day to YOU and me 🖤🖤🖤
Head up ten toes down.
With Love Forever and Always,
Netta B (8/18)
What’s good Pearls,
I have missed you all. I’m checking in babies. Click the link below right 💋💋
Today I going to be a little serious with y’all. Im not sure if anyone noticed but my social media has downed in numbers over the years. Recently I just gave up. In due time I will be back, trust. When on social media with the way the apps want dictate what’s on your timeline or suggest things it’s just a whole irritation. On Instagram particularly I followed pages with little babies, the cute chocolate ones. So instagram started suggesting the toddlers that look and dress like whole adults. I hate it! I don’t want to see kids dressed like my peers.
So today’s topic Adultification. So in recent studies it shows black girls, particularly those age 5 to 14, are supposedly more sexually mature and know more about adult topics than white girls in the same age group. The study showed black girls as less innocent, less in need of protection also needing less support and less comfort as the same young white girl her age. Leaving our young baby girls to be seen as combative and hypersexualized.
With that being said not only are our young queens being targeted but our young kings are also. It was also found black boys, as young as age 10, are more likely to be regarded as older than they look and often suspicious. Leaving our children open for bigger consequences even if far from deserved.
Our black children are five times more likely than white kids to be suspended from school with a higher percentage of being charged with a crime whether in school or the justice system. These things are a form of malicious dehumanization that robs our children of their hope and innocence that’s formed through childhood. Something they don’t or won’t get because of the skin tone.
Think about this when you dress your kids. Think about this when you speak to your kids. Really think about this when you act in front of your kids. Hell all of thee above goes for all kids not just your own. We are as a whole, kids included are hot commodities, feared but most importantly miss guided and misunderstood.
Take care loves,
Netta B 🖤💜🖤
Hey Young Pearls,
A few days ago I talked to a old friend or acquaintance whatever you would like to call her. Before y’all start throwing the names please know I’ve always adored her. I’ve always considered her a friend if I had to put a title. We spoke for the first time in years. Decade plus via the phone, and it was easy unforced and pleasant. We reminisced, laughed and even shared.
I learned a lot about myself in that short but broad conversation. One thing that stuck with me is she told me I was “unpredictable”. Hearing this froze me a little bit maybe even shocked me. I thought I was very predictable. I always considered myself a open book, creature of habit. I was either goofy or serious and not very friendly to non-circle members. To know me I had to know you. Point blank period!
She made me think and contemplate my life, the people in my life, and previous and present relationships. Is this still a trait I carry? Most importantly what has it done to my past friendships/relationships? I guess I know I can be rough round edges. Unpredictable seems unstable to me. Emotionally I could say I’m unstable, I love hard...it has no bounds. So I wonder do others see this in me. Do you?
I applaud and respect her for telling me that. I appreciate it. I’ve been wanting to seek therapy for years. No I don’t think I’m crazy. Maybe a little coo-coo but not insane. Yet. Lmaooo. I’ve been wanting to seek help because I need a outlet. I’m a ticking time bomb. I don’t want to tell a family member or friend. They don’t give a damn and if they do, they just to tell it. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Our conversation vouched my already known personal needs.
If you’re like me and don’t have a outlet. You don’t have someone that you ultimately trust to tell things to like thoughts and feelings with. I urge you to seek your outlet that may very well be therapy.
Black people stop thinking it’s crazy to talk to a counselor, therapist or life coach. Y’all talk and run ya mouth all day to probably a legit crazy person. Might as well pay someone to keep your secrets and offer some real life changing help.
See I don’t have a outlet because when I left the squad of 31 flavors my lil click from high school. That really wasn’t our name. I just said that because we was all different shapes sizes and races. When we parted I never allowed myself to get close to people to build friendships. Maybe they fucked me up I don’t know but I seeked old friends and old lovers. X-ing out any potential that didn’t seem familiar enough from my past and totally declining them from my present and future altogether. I have to tell you that is not the move. You can not progress without progression. It’s always forward and never backwards.
If someone is elevating and gravitating towards you welcome them with open arms because it’s hard and even though we want to we can not do it all on our own. I’m just starting to realize this but ultimately owning it.
Later Young Pearl 🖤💜🖤
Let’s talk about death because it’s all around us and to be honest tomorrow is def not promised. Me personally I know people of all different walks and backgrounds. I been a lot of places and bonded with many in my short life span. I know more people that have died or natural freak causes to violence to where I need other folks hands just to count and this started as young as high school. One thing I can say it’s been more friends than my bloodline that I have lost. Another thing I can say but kind of ashamed of saying is I never been to a funeral. I have attended many wakes but never a funeral. Just like when it comes to your faith. I mean how you can follow and grow at your own pace with whomever your higher being is you can do the same with death. People think because you don’t speak on it or show face you don’t care. It’s not true. Your prayers can truly be helping that individual. I’m a introvert a lot of shit drains me. Sometimes I just can’t or won’t give away my energy.
I have lost a lot of people like I said before. But the recent and last was my auntie a yr ago. I believe that she was the one person who knew me and loved me despite everything (all in the air talking 😂😫😝) and she is gone. Her love ran like that for everyone. I believe we were so much alike after spending time with each other after years of not knowing each other. And the thing I hate most is I didn’t get to know she was gone till a week later because I had her schedule wrong. Sometimes I feel it was done purposely. We started off rough two people who couldn’t stand each other but in the end we knew each other from good bad old and present (so many stories shared) She was my one true friend in the form of a auntie. I miss her so much and I’m so angry she can’t be here with me on my journey. She uplifted me in so many ways. She was bitch I’m a bitch but we had a understand as two bitches with big hearts. Nobody and I mean nobody on that side of the family love will ever compare to hers without her I feel outcasted. I hope she watches shields and guides me daily.
I say this to say keep your head up maybe even open up more and really understand what can be someone else perspective they may still hurt from death.
Netta B. 🖤💜🖤
I would like to start a blog if you have any topics, ideas questions throw them to me in the "Whats on your mind" section.