Girl Seek Help!!

Hey Young Pearls,

A few days ago I talked to a old friend or acquaintance whatever you would like to call her. Before y’all start throwing the names please know I’ve always adored her. I’ve always considered her a friend if I had to put a title. We spoke for the first time in years. Decade plus via the phone, and it was easy unforced and pleasant. We reminisced, laughed and even shared.
I learned a lot about myself in that short but broad conversation. One thing that stuck with me is she told me I was “unpredictable”. Hearing this froze me a little bit maybe even shocked me. I thought I was very predictable. I always considered myself a open book, creature of habit. I was either goofy or serious and not very friendly to non-circle members. To know me I had to know you. Point blank period!
She made me think and contemplate my life, the people in my life, and previous and present relationships. Is this still a trait I carry? Most importantly what has it done to my past friendships/relationships? I guess I know I can be rough round edges. Unpredictable seems unstable to me. Emotionally I could say I’m unstable, I love hard...it has no bounds. So I wonder do others see this in me. Do you?
I applaud and respect her for telling me that. I appreciate it. I’ve been wanting to seek therapy for years. No I don’t think I’m crazy. Maybe a little coo-coo but not insane. Yet. Lmaooo. I’ve been wanting to seek help because I need a outlet. I’m a ticking time bomb. I don’t want to tell a family member or friend. They don’t give a damn and if they do, they just to tell it. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Our conversation vouched my already known personal needs.
If you’re like me and don’t have a outlet. You don’t have someone that you ultimately trust to tell things to like thoughts and feelings with. I urge you to seek your outlet that may very well be therapy.
Black people stop thinking it’s crazy to talk to a counselor, therapist or life coach. Y’all talk and run ya mouth all day to probably a legit crazy person. Might as well pay someone to keep your secrets and offer some real life changing help.
See I don’t have a outlet because when I left the squad of 31 flavors my lil click from high school. That really wasn’t our name. I just said that because we was all different shapes sizes and races. When we parted I never allowed myself to get close to people to build friendships. Maybe they fucked me up I don’t know but I seeked old friends and old lovers. X-ing out any potential that didn’t seem familiar enough from my past and totally declining them from my present and future altogether. I have to tell you that is not the move. You can not progress without progression. It’s always forward and never backwards.
If someone is elevating and gravitating towards you welcome them with open arms because it’s hard and even though we want to we can not do it all on our own. I’m just starting to realize this but ultimately owning it.

Later Young Pearl 🖤💜🖤

Netta B.